I haven't written in a few days, and wow, there is no great explanation for that. I've just been busy with life: school, homework, rehearsals, drama, everything. Well, let's start with Wednesday, shall we ?
Wednesday:
School was typical. A good school day. :) Ohh, and then I had art after school. It was exciting. Haha. I started my new painting. It's pretty great. Haha. I got home late, and stayed up late, leading to a very tired Thursday.
Thursday:
My first bittersweet day of the new year. School was okay, nothing great happened, and I don't think anything too bad happened. I passed by him, he waved, and my body stuttered, and I kept on walking. I felt like a complete idiot. As I continued to walk, I figured out why my body stuttered, it was because my heart dropped and felt like it skipped a beat. Why ? I don't know. The day continued and everything was okay. I was exhausted from Wednesday, so instead of hanging out afterschool until rehearsal, I decided to go home, do homework, and rest up a bit. So I do exactly that. It was a beautiful day, sunny and cool. I left my window open and my music on as I worked on homework and such, and before I knew it, it was time to get ready for rehearsal. Wow, was rehearsal boring, even though we were let out early. Haha. We sang, and my part sat for basically an hour waiting on the other parts to set up and get the scene right. We were let out about an hour early, and it felt great. I got home about 8:10 and not long after, I get a text from my best friend asking if I felt the earthquake. Well, I obviously didn't, since I didn't panic. Hahaha. I hope everyone is alright. Anyhow, I ate dinner, showered, and finished up some homework. Then, not long after, he and I talk over AIM, and everything's is okay at first, but it somehow leads into a fight, as always. I wasn't surprised at all. This time though, it didn't end like every other fight, where we said some things and we'd be fine the next day. It was a mean, hurtful, sad, endless conversation between us. It ended with words so cold, it would've numbed me if I weren't as strong. Or I try to be, at least. He claims he never cared. I beg to differ. He cared, he cares, he will always care. Honestly, let me be cocky. I'm not someone you go to, go through, and can be done with. I know I can etch a mark into your memory. But he claims so, so I'll let it be. Through that whole conversation, I smiled, I laughed. I still don't know why I did, but I did. After that, I thought about my life for a while. And the quote is true. (Will be placed at the end of my blog.)
Friday:
Today was a great day. I woke up, looked up at the ceiling, and told myself it was going to be a great day. Well, what do you know ? It was really great. First period is always great. My friends are funny and my teacher is cool. Second period actually wasn't that bad today again. I aced my Spanish quiz. :) Hm, third period, pretty fun, although I must admit, physics still isn't my favorite subject. Oh, fourth period, how I hate that class though I love english. Haha. Well, here's lunch. And lunch is just kind of my chill, relaxing time to walk around, talk random stuff, and you know, be really great. :) I was sitting near the bike racks with Taylor and Wai, and it was fun. :) Very soon, he walks over near our area, and sits down and does his stuff. I was fine, not awkward at all. No sarcasm intended there. It was great, until I walked up to my friend and talked to her ... right in front of him. I saw him look up at me, but I just kept doing what I was doing. Haha, very soon after, I walked over to Chris to talk to him, with my back towards him. Chris later tells me what he does, the whole "slap ass, hitting that" motion with his hand. I let it slide, because he's just trying to get to me. And he obviously cares that I could be seeing someone else. I talk to my first true love, and we kept being interrupted. Well, the bell rings and fifth period comes around. Ohh, fifth period was fun. I love dance, how could it not be fun ? Passing period. Ohmy. I go to my locker and talk to Chris and Tiff. We walk over to the stairs and pause to talk for a while. The late bell for sixth period rings, and we continue to talk. Once again, my back was towards him, but I talk because I honestly don't even acknowledge his existence for those brief two minutes until .. he walks by with a friend and again motions to Chris, this time a pelvic thrust. Lovely enough, Tiff screams "EW !" And I turn my head, see him stop, and walk away, talking. I didn't know what Chris and Tiff were so "ew" and stuff about, so I ask them, and they told me what happened. I let it get to me, and I screamed, and walked to class. My assumptions ? He cares that I'm talking to others. He cares that I don't care. He wants my attention and he'll do whatever it takes to get it. But it's not going to work this time. I want everything and nothing at the same time, and I'm tired of being the one to always break down, always melt down in the end. I'm holding up, so great that it confuses me. Afterschool, I make my way over to the car to go home, and I drop my stuff down and go get Chris since we were going back to my place to study. As we were walking together, he drives in and for the third time, sees me and Chris together. Bad on my part, but also good. Chris and I go home, watch TV and chill until Tiff gets here to study. Oh man, did we study ! Haha, it was fun. :) Though boring at brief moments, I enjoyed it. :) Then I ate dinner late and here I am, updating my blog.
Well, am I excited for tomorrow and Sunday ! Haha, busy weekend for me. I'm livin' the life, for sure. :) I hope my weekend goes as planned. :) And as for the boy, I said I wouldn't let it bother me, and it's not. Because I told myself I wouldn't let it phase me. :D
At the end of the day, you either focus on what's tearing you apart or what's holding you together.
Forever and Always,
Vivian.
Vivian.
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