The Good Life.

Hi.

So, today is June 28th, 2009. It's currently 0554 based on the laptops clock. Well, today, I woke up to a cute text from him .. at 0930 ! :( But that's okay, I had to get going anyway to finish Irie's entrepreneur project. I attempted to upload everything on photobucket on my computer .. it only took three hours. So by two something, I text my girl, Natalia, and we decided we'd work on her laptop .. at her work. Oh, and I was offered a job there, by her. :D Well, now I'm here, working, and I have to go soon to eat dinner with Susana .. which I kind of don't want to. I hate drama, especially family drama, and she was the start of it all. She's a nice lady though, I like her. I think I'm going to take the job. I like it here. :) I must go and work and leave and whatever ! Hahahha.

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. -Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

Forever and Always,
Vivian.

Tuesday Morning.

Hello world:

Okay, so it's not really Tuesday morning. Not anymore, at least. I haven't updated my blog since February .. No perfect excuse for that. :( And it wasn't really updating. It was just showing you stupid stuff I do. But now, life has been full of surprises, ups and downs, easy and hard.

So let's start from the beginning of where I left off .. February, shall we ?

February:

So, as my last post shows, the Red Cross Club at San Marino High hosted a blood drive afterschool. It was okay, not super fun, not super boring. Same old. I was still getting to bond with everyone on cabinet, and I eventually did. :) Got to love this year's cabinet: Jeffrey Su, Doug Hews, Samuel Oh, Hillary Shar, Yoyo Lin, Tiffany Lee, Matthew Wong, and Richard Auyoung. Anyway, in the middle of February, was my 17th birthday. To be honest, I don't really remember what went on. Haha. Well, towards the end of February, on the 27th, I believe, The San Marino High School Red Cross Club hosted their very first dance, Exposure, at the Arcadia Community Center. It wasn't quite as successful as we hoped, but not bad. So that's that.

March:

Rehearsal, rehearsal, rehearsal. For the Pajama Game ! That was a drag sometimes, but I learned to love every minute of it. I don't remember anything major that happened in March. Well, he broke up with her and he told me. A little weird, considering we never talked before then. We started to text nonstop, but it eventually came to a slow pause. Oh, Red Cross Cabinet worked on a presentation to present at the local chapter's new club orientation. It was fun. We went to the chapter to take pictures and videos and back to my house to put it all together. We all contributed. That night, we got closer. But moments later, she comes up to me and tells me how she still likes him. Wow, awkward. I didn't develop any feelings for him over the few weeks we've been talking nonstop, and I didn't think I would. I attempted to comfort her, and the infamous Sam interrupts the girl moment, asking for his soda.

Well, anyway, at the end of the month, it was opening for the Pajama Game. The 28th of March ... Opening night. Wow. In one of the scenes, we were dancing, and as I was skipping, yes, skipping, I sprang up, felt my knee pop, and I continued the number and finished the scene. Right as I got off stage, I fell to the floor, unable to bear the pain inflicted in my knee. I iced it, wrapped it up, and finished the night. The following day, I went to the doctor only to find out I tore my meniscus. Ouch. After that beautiful injury, I was unable to participate in the dancing numbers. I worked a whole quarter, day after day, night after night only to injure myself opening night and I couldn't finish the rest of the five nights to come. I was torn, but I let it go.

April:

I revisited the doctor's office a week later for x-rays. The tear was worse than we had thought. I was told to stay on crutches for another 6 weeks. Within those 6 weeks, I went to the radiology department for an MRI. Results came a week later informing me that I not only tore my meniscus, but had a bone bruise. I remember the exact date. It was April 15, 2009. It crushed my heart to hear what the doctor had to say: I may never be able to dance the way I used to because it will bother me. It will hurt for as long as it will. In shock, a single tear rolled down my face. I hadn't seen it coming, and I wished he was lying to me, but it was clear that he wasn't. He tried to cheer me up by telling me that that may not be the case, that I MIGHT be able to dance without it bothering me if it heels alright. With a smile on my face, my dad and I began to walk to the car. I was in a relatively good mood, cheering up along the way, cracking jokes with my dad. I was texting as we were walking to the parking lot, and my dad received a phonecall. I let him answer and continued to do my thing. As we reached the car, he got off the phone and simply said, "Your dog died." Laughing as I walked to the passenger's seat, I was like, "Stop lying, dad, I know you hate him and all, but come on !" Right as I reached the back of the car, he retorted, "I'm not lying. Why would I lie to you about this ?" I stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn't believe it. I refused to believe it. He got into the car, started the engine, and rolled down the window to ask, "Are you coming in ? Come on, get in the car." I couldn't move. I needed my dad to physically get out of the car and push me into the seat. Uncontrollable tears began to stream down my face. I didn't know what to do. I just didn't know. Over the weeks, I've gotten really close to Doug Hews, and instead of calling my best friend, Amy Gonzales, I text Doug, asking if I could go to his house. He agreed. I asked my dad, and he didn't understand, but he let me anyway. It was around 0830 when my dad dropped me off at Doug's. He knew something was wrong, gave me a hug, and we went up to his room. We watched TV and talked. It was nice, because for those brief moments, I forgot all about what had happened that day. But reality came, I got a phonecall to go home, and so he drove me home. I lingered outside in his car for a while. When I got out, I stood outside, not knowing what to do. I didn't want to go in. I didn't want to face reality. Not then. After ten or so minutes, I walked in only to see the women in the house crying. Even my brother was crying. Only my dad was okay with this. I tried to be strong for them and held every emotion inside. Half an hour after comforting everyone, my dad asked me to help him pack the carcass up. I agreed, because no one else would or could. I will never forget that image. I did it, carrying him out the door and into the yard. He was cold and stiff. It was the last time I saw him.

April 18, 2009: Prom. Early Prom. Haha. It was Saturday night, and me and my date, Calvin Wong, had barely decided to go Friday afternoon. It was a last minute choice, and it was just like, hey ! Let's just go for the hell of going. So in a rush, we buy everything: tux, dress, heels, shoes, jewelry, corsage, boutineer, and whatever else you need for Prom. Well, Calvin, aka my very good friend, got them hook ups, and we basically got into Prom for free. It was at the Natural History Museum at USC. Beforehand, Calvin, me, Ada, and John went to Roy's in LA for dinner. It was nice, but we were nearly two hours late for Prom ! Jose still let us in, but everyone gave us a hard time. Once we were there, everything was good though. Calvin is just the most embarrassing thing ever. It was funny though. We had two objectives: make Doug jealous, and not get Nat jealous. Pretty difficult, actually. Hahah, but after a while, we both just forgot about what we wanted to do and just had fun. We matched: black and white. :) Well, since Calvin and I drove, we were just looking for a place to party afterwards. So we ended up going to Anna Kim's, only to find that it was "cancelled" so we went to Joe Mcmohan's then back to Anna Kim's. Anna's was really fun. When I arrived, I was saying hi to everyone and then I saw Doug. My heart nearly dropped to my ass. I didn't know what to think cause for the whole night, I tried to avoid him and his date. It was okay, I was doing an okay job of ignoring him and then he came over to talk to me. The night ended around 4am and a few of us (Jeffrey Su, Doug Hews, Cameron Kraft, Josh Neale, Taylor Greenleaf, Malcom ..., Richard Auyoung) went back to Doug's house and just tried to sober up (I didn't drink). I stayed until 7am and went home. Fun night.

May:

I don't remember much from May .. But May 9th: Officially dating. Hahaha ! It was my first double date ever ! I stayed home most of that Saturday (I don't wake up until LATE afternoon ... 4pm ish ?) and we four, Juju, Paul, Doug, and I decided to meet at my house at 7pm. Typical, Doug was late, but I had a few friends over at the time, so it was okay. We never really decided what to do, so I had the three of them decide while I finished up my make up. They decided on Santa Monica Pier to go on the Ferris Wheel. I'm terrified of heights. But I agreed anyway. We go and we go on the Ferris Wheel, I freak out a little, we had fun ! What happened after .. I don't really remember. :D Party, probably. Haha.

Mother's Day: May 10th, 2009. Also my parents anniversary. Funnn. I woke up at six in the morning to get my grandmother and my mother flowers. Ugh, biggest drag of my life considering the fact that I got home really late the night before ! But we had a nice dinner that night, and all was good .. other than school the next day. :(

May 26th, 2009: San Marino High School Red Cross Club's 3rd blood drive of the year. This one was during school hours so ... we had to get there at 6am. Another drag. Ugh. But it was fun irregardless. I had to stay after with Jeffrey Su, Doug Hews, and Richard Auyoung until 5pm to wait for the Red Cross nurses to clean up. Then I went to Doug's house and slept, and then went to dance practice.

May 29-30, 2009: Dancetra. It was funn. A good experience, definitely. My choreography was in it ! Shattered Glass ! :D It took so much work, but I think it ended up looking really good. :)

June:

School was finall coming to an end, and I was EXCITED. But the first week of June was the seniors' last week of school. :( So on June 5th, a Luau was planned for yearbook signing and water games and everything, but it turned out to be an extremely gloomy, rainy day. ;( But even though, I still had to stay until 3pm to clean up everything. The same day, there was a Last Chance Dance. I was obligated to go for ASB, but it was whatever. I had people sign my yearbook, but honestly, I didn't want to be there.

Well, Juju and Lilian Mao had a birthday party one night, I don't quite remember the date .. but I went with Doug and the guys. I hung out with Lo, Tolley, and Nikki most of the night though. That was a really fun night. :)

June 11th was the last day of school. OHHH MAN. That was great. Just because it was the last day. Hahaha. So, ASB has to work concessions every day of the week for summer school. I didn't sign up for gov/econ cause I thought it would be filled up, but on the second day of summer school, I decided to go into the APO and check if it was all full, and wow, there was ONE spot left open for both classes, so I well ... was about to pounce on the opportunity, but before I did, I had to ask two people if I should and if I could: my father and Doug. My father of course was like, "Yes ! Why wouldn't you ? Well, I guess it's up to you, just let me know." So next, I asked Doug, and he just kept telling me he didn't know and whatever. Ugh, so I did. Well, it was pretty bad the first few days, getting used to the lass and stuff, but it eventually got easier. Econ with Irie goes by SO slow, I literally want to shoot myself in the face. But Paccone's Gov class, wow. My favorite class. I kind of wish I didn't decide to take it over the summer, you know ? But it's all good. Only four more weeks of summer school and I'm off to ASB retreat and LDC ! :D

I'm excited. Yesterday was our seven weeks and we celebrated with a fight of almost ending our relationship. Pretty intense. July Fourth would be our two months. What's going to happen ? I'm going to do it.

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. - Langston Hughes

Forever and Always,
Vivian.

Blood Drive

We're working hard ! :)
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Rehearsal

The thing that sucks up a good portion of my life.
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MLK: I Have A Dream ...

Hello World:

I think it's safe to say it's been a long while. Yeah, I've uploaded pictures, but I haven't written. I still haven't finished studying for finals so I can't write much, but I thought I'd write because today is such a significant day. January 20, 2009. Today was the inauguration ceremony of Barack Obama. And I have to say, I was inspired. I'm proud to call him our President and I know he will make a difference in not only our country, but the world. Hello Justice; Hello Freedom; Hello to the dream of our ancestors.

And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." -Martin Luther King Jr.

Forever and Always,

Vivian.

Defected KevMeans.

Crippled and blind KevMeans. :)
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"MOM, I'm STUDYING !"

Mm, studying hard ! :D Update later ! :)
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I'm in control.

Hello World:

I haven't written in a few days, and wow, there is no great explanation for that. I've just been busy with life: school, homework, rehearsals, drama, everything. Well, let's start with Wednesday, shall we ?

Wednesday:
School was typical. A good school day. :) Ohh, and then I had art after school. It was exciting. Haha. I started my new painting. It's pretty great. Haha. I got home late, and stayed up late, leading to a very tired Thursday.

Thursday:
My first bittersweet day of the new year. School was okay, nothing great happened, and I don't think anything too bad happened. I passed by him, he waved, and my body stuttered, and I kept on walking. I felt like a complete idiot. As I continued to walk, I figured out why my body stuttered, it was because my heart dropped and felt like it skipped a beat. Why ? I don't know. The day continued and everything was okay. I was exhausted from Wednesday, so instead of hanging out afterschool until rehearsal, I decided to go home, do homework, and rest up a bit. So I do exactly that. It was a beautiful day, sunny and cool. I left my window open and my music on as I worked on homework and such, and before I knew it, it was time to get ready for rehearsal. Wow, was rehearsal boring, even though we were let out early. Haha. We sang, and my part sat for basically an hour waiting on the other parts to set up and get the scene right. We were let out about an hour early, and it felt great. I got home about 8:10 and not long after, I get a text from my best friend asking if I felt the earthquake. Well, I obviously didn't, since I didn't panic. Hahaha. I hope everyone is alright. Anyhow, I ate dinner, showered, and finished up some homework. Then, not long after, he and I talk over AIM, and everything's is okay at first, but it somehow leads into a fight, as always. I wasn't surprised at all. This time though, it didn't end like every other fight, where we said some things and we'd be fine the next day. It was a mean, hurtful, sad, endless conversation between us. It ended with words so cold, it would've numbed me if I weren't as strong. Or I try to be, at least. He claims he never cared. I beg to differ. He cared, he cares, he will always care. Honestly, let me be cocky. I'm not someone you go to, go through, and can be done with. I know I can etch a mark into your memory. But he claims so, so I'll let it be. Through that whole conversation, I smiled, I laughed. I still don't know why I did, but I did. After that, I thought about my life for a while. And the quote is true. (Will be placed at the end of my blog.)

Friday:
Today was a great day. I woke up, looked up at the ceiling, and told myself it was going to be a great day. Well, what do you know ? It was really great. First period is always great. My friends are funny and my teacher is cool. Second period actually wasn't that bad today again. I aced my Spanish quiz. :) Hm, third period, pretty fun, although I must admit, physics still isn't my favorite subject. Oh, fourth period, how I hate that class though I love english. Haha. Well, here's lunch. And lunch is just kind of my chill, relaxing time to walk around, talk random stuff, and you know, be really great. :) I was sitting near the bike racks with Taylor and Wai, and it was fun. :) Very soon, he walks over near our area, and sits down and does his stuff. I was fine, not awkward at all. No sarcasm intended there. It was great, until I walked up to my friend and talked to her ... right in front of him. I saw him look up at me, but I just kept doing what I was doing. Haha, very soon after, I walked over to Chris to talk to him, with my back towards him. Chris later tells me what he does, the whole "slap ass, hitting that" motion with his hand. I let it slide, because he's just trying to get to me. And he obviously cares that I could be seeing someone else. I talk to my first true love, and we kept being interrupted. Well, the bell rings and fifth period comes around. Ohh, fifth period was fun. I love dance, how could it not be fun ? Passing period. Ohmy. I go to my locker and talk to Chris and Tiff. We walk over to the stairs and pause to talk for a while. The late bell for sixth period rings, and we continue to talk. Once again, my back was towards him, but I talk because I honestly don't even acknowledge his existence for those brief two minutes until .. he walks by with a friend and again motions to Chris, this time a pelvic thrust. Lovely enough, Tiff screams "EW !" And I turn my head, see him stop, and walk away, talking. I didn't know what Chris and Tiff were so "ew" and stuff about, so I ask them, and they told me what happened. I let it get to me, and I screamed, and walked to class. My assumptions ? He cares that I'm talking to others. He cares that I don't care. He wants my attention and he'll do whatever it takes to get it. But it's not going to work this time. I want everything and nothing at the same time, and I'm tired of being the one to always break down, always melt down in the end. I'm holding up, so great that it confuses me. Afterschool, I make my way over to the car to go home, and I drop my stuff down and go get Chris since we were going back to my place to study. As we were walking together, he drives in and for the third time, sees me and Chris together. Bad on my part, but also good. Chris and I go home, watch TV and chill until Tiff gets here to study. Oh man, did we study ! Haha, it was fun. :) Though boring at brief moments, I enjoyed it. :) Then I ate dinner late and here I am, updating my blog.

Well, am I excited for tomorrow and Sunday ! Haha, busy weekend for me. I'm livin' the life, for sure. :) I hope my weekend goes as planned. :) And as for the boy, I said I wouldn't let it bother me, and it's not. Because I told myself I wouldn't let it phase me. :D

At the end of the day, you either focus on what's tearing you apart or what's holding you together.

Forever and Always,
Vivian.

Rush.

Into the blue:

Well, today was a typical second day. Not a great day for me, but pretty good. I was just a tad bit late to first period, and first period was good. Second period today was pretty good too. :) I was late to third period. :( Third period went by fast ! :D Then fourth period came around, and it was really great until I fell asleep as we began to watch Streetcar Named Desire. And then I got held back after class. :( Oh, lunch was beautiful. I need to come up with fundraisers and stuff. Then I was massively late to fifth period. What ? Only like ten minutes, and gosh, I got that "tsk tsk I can't believe you ..." look from my dance teacher, who also happens to be one of my musical teachers. That was lame. Oh, and then sixth period. What can I say ? I'm always late. It's no surprise. But that was my typical day. I actually had nothing to do today. No class, no rehearsal, nothing.It felt pretty good to finally be at home to just kick back, but that didn't last very long until my adorable niece came over. Well, she was a bitch. Haha, she wouldn't stop crying. :( After she left, I ate dinner, then went upstairs to start homework. Wow, do I love school. I'm catching up on Secret Life, pretty excited. :)

I don't think my mom's mad anymore. So I'm guessing it's a good thing. Though every other word she says to me will include, "Why do I talk to you ? You're such a big jerk." or somewhere along those lines. But you know, life's life and I'm just happy we're talking. The rest of my family is great.

Today wasn't awkward at all when I ran into them both at the same time. It was like, hm ... should I run ? Haha. Nah, but it was weird. I want to figure this out. As in what I feel for anyone anymore.

Well, I am always told I am on the run all the time, and I guess it's true. So I must be going now.

We all know life is short - too short to waste a single second with anyone who doesn't appreciate and value you.

Forever and Always,
Vivian.

The water's high.

Hi.

It's late, and I have just finished homework. Today felt shorter than I thought it would and it was a great day. :) It was the first day back to school after break and I was most definitely dreading it, but it wasn't so bad. Well, going to school wasn't so bad, but seeing the people rather was not what I hoped.

1st period: I don't like history, but I think I'm starting to. We did this Great Depression activity with the stock market assimilation and it was pretty fun. My teacher is pretty great. :)

2nd period: I don't like my teacher. She's a meanie, but I do like spanish very much. And it passed by very quickly.

Break: Running back and forth, feeling like I had so much to do, but I probably didn't. It was short !

3rd period: Physics. I dread it. I suck at it. I don't like to pay attention to it. I like to talk in that class. I like to text in that class. I hate boys.

4th period: English. I've always loved english, but I don't like to analyze books, especially allegories.

Lunch: Wai is a stupid. Felt like there was nothing to do today, but to walk around empty-handed and feeling like it was going to be the greatest day. Steph thinks Wai's face looks like this man's face which got ripped off by a bear. HAHAH.

5th period: Dance. I love to dance. I love dancing. Dancing in that class ? Yeah, it's okay.

6th period: I love being late. I'm late everyday. He doesn't care. He's a pervert. :)

That was my first day back, and it felt pretty short. After school, Calvin, Wai, and I went to the library and did some physics homework ! It was really great. Not. Then we went out for some pho, and screwed with the waiters. :) Then back to Calvin's house, then to Wai's, and then finally, back to school for rehearsal. Rehearsal wasn't all that great, but a typical first day for introductions, I guess. Yeah, we were let out half an hour early and that felt really great. :) I came home, did my stuff, fought with people, did my homework, and here I am, writing in my blog. I talked to my best friend today, but it was a short conversation. Wish it were longer.

I'm still confused about that boy. One minute, he wants something, the next, it's over. What goes on in that mysterious mind ? I wonder.

Random quote:
Tomorrow may never come.
Give and accept what you have today.

Forever and Always,
Vivian.

Nobody knows what she's holding back.

Hello:

Woke up on the right side of bed today. I woke up feeling invincible, and well, I am most definitely invincible. I used to be known as Vince Carter to some (Vivian Chow, VC, Vince Carter), and well, Vince is in invincible. :) I knew it'd be a great day - a great last day of break of my junior year. And I woke rather early, if I may say ... 2 P.M. Haha. Okay, not quite early enough to be breaking back into my school habits, but early enough.

Still in a fight with my mom and we were the only ones home. I avoided her, she avoided me. I wanted to talk to her, but I held back. Whatever I say or do is wrong and I don't mind so much. Only if she knew I don't and never will hold a grudge against anything or everything she has done. After all, she is my mother, and I could never - I love her. My dad called home, "Are you home ?" Yes, dad, I obviously am if you called the house. Haha. I love him. My brother and sister spent the night at my cousins, and I have to admit, it felt really great to not have them home for once. Those two lovely little people are so annoying sometimes, but truly the two most adorable kids I adore. My grandmother isn't home yet, but she will be soon. She'll be exhausted like every other day she comes home from work. I miss her. My two dogs have been barking off the hook today, and I'm still not sure why. I love them.

So today I watched TV, Secret Life was on the whole day and is still on. New season starting tomorrow. I binged on chocolate and starbursts and a cup of coffee, feeling sorry for myself. I honestly don't know why. Today felt like it was going to be a great day, and it will still turn out to be good by the end.

Last night I was texting someone, someone I used to talk to often. Things went well until the end, and of course, if one is going to turn bitchy towards me, I am going to be the bitch who ends it. And I did. This morning, I IMed him to say I was joking, because I was. I usually am. He gave me his attitude, and I just didn't want to take it. Half an hour later, still sitting in front of the TV, I acted on impulse: I grabbed my cellphone, deleted his number, his SN from AIM, all his texts ... I even thought about going upstairs back into my room and trashing the notes and pictures we have, but I didn't have the strength to. I felt fragile and weak at that point. I thought to myself, "Why did I do that ? Is this honestly how I want to end things ?" Truth ? No, that's not. I am one to take control of my life. This has taken too much of my time already, and I ended things in 2008 ... I am not going back to it. But I will still continue to wear my heart on my sleeve.

School starts tomorrow and I am definitely not ready for it. I don't mind waking up early, going to class, listening to lectures, taking notes ... What I do mind is: the people. I'm not ready to see the world again, not yet. People I have not yet learned to love. Although I must go back, I think it'll take another direction somehow. Aside from school, rehearsal for the school musical starts tomorrow. Not a big part, but still a part of it.

I've decided to put random quotes in my posts, so here it is:
Love yourself, even when it feels as though no one else does.

Forever and Always,
Vivian.

Come into my world.

Hello World:

Today has been a good day. :) I woke up pretty early ... 1:30 P.M. then went back to sleep and woke up at 3 P.M. Haha. Big day today, a big family get together. We have family get togethers almost every month. And well, they're a drag to me now. Family is my life, and well, lately things aren't so well, though they have gotten better. But enough of that. So I got ready, and went to dinner for the family get together and I drove home with the family. So I was driving with my mom in the passenger seat, and she's yelling at me the whole time. I'm driving 34 mph, and she'll go "YOU CAN GO 35 MPH HERE." Yeah, I was pretty mad. But anyway, The family get together for my grandparents' birthdays was pretty great. A lot of food. :) Anyhow, now I'm home and I think this should be it for today, because really, that's all that happened today. :D

Forever and Always,
Vivian.

Relax.

It's the second day of 2009 and it feels great. After all that happened back in 2008, I finally got enough sleep - 14 hours. Today was a typical day, quite relaxing. I got to squeeze in a movie with my brother and sister before coming back up to my room to clean my room and such. It's official, music is my therapy. I don't know how it works, but it does. Today's a lazy day, last Friday before winter break is over and school is back. I am so not looking forward to it. Over break, I've realized what I really want to be ... Okay, not really, but something in the medical field. Hopefully a doctor or a nurse, maybe even a medic ! Haha. I have plenty of time to ponder. That's it for now.

Forever and Always,
Vivian.